Nov 22 2016
2 Comments
Creation, Hair, Humor, Life Lessons, Product Review, Rants, Thoughts

12 Personality Traits That Define The Obsessed Hair Product Junkie

“I love my hair because it’s a reflection of my soul. It’s dense, it’s kinky, it’s soft, it’s textured, it’s difficult, it’s easy and it’s fun. That’s why I love my hair.”
 — Tracee Ellis Ross

hair_22november2016v2

I dwell in communities on and offline saturated with images of glorified crowns from colorful beauties of the global majority. These images seep into the crevices of my cranium and set a flame hair aspirations that can hardly be achieved with a brew of potions promising pretty. The over concentration of hair hustlers pushing beauty in a bottle has left me weak in my knees. It’s hard to “Just Say No”.

In my community, Korean beauty shop owners are the biggest distributors of trafficking transactional pretty to African American women. Heads up! — African American women spend an estimated $7.5 billion annually on beauty products. For which, the Korean beauty dealers monopolize the supply chain in communities of color.

Today, outside my community I pace back and forth in the aisles of one of my favorite mashup Halloween beauty shops to find the grease that will outdo this mundane mop to a magical mane. Looking for the perfect hair care product can be scary — because every label is a masterpiece of trickery. Ignoring this knowledge, I believe the flowery words of every tonic that promises my locks will blossom from weeds to Pocahontas lengths. Because of this masquerade marketing, I buy the placebo Pocahontas tonic and use it for several days to discover my hair hasn’t grown an inch. Instead, I have uncontrollable itchiness for days on end. Circle, circle, dot, dot — now, I need a hair product junkie shot.

Bewitched by smoke and mirrors, I am mourning yet another potion pushing-up-daisies in the hair product graveyard labeled “the bottom of my closet.”

I am now slouched on my sofa watching YouTube videos while simultaneously scrolling the ‘Gram to coax my latest labeled disappointment. I am lured once again by the representations, reviews, and raves about products promising pretty pictured tresses. I closely observe each Beauty reppin’ a side of the beauty shop aisle. I ponder, “Which side of the aisle do I represent”? Probably all, I muse. My hair product junkie habits are messy, irrational and hard to bottle up.

Here are the Hair Product Junkie personality tribal traits I brush-up against on my hair product exploration (scratch that) acquisition journey.

12 Personality Traits of the Obsessed Hair Product Junkie

  • Miss. Black Market — This Beauty only buys B L A C K.
  • Miss. Budget Friendly — This Beauty is price sensitive and buys products that are easy on the pocketbook.
  • Miss. ‘cone Free — This confused Beauty doesn’t mess with products that have ‘cones but will use other products with ingredients that coat the hair strands and don’t easily wash off with water.
  • Miss. On the ground — This Beauty cops products that are locally stacked on convenient store shelves.
  • Miss. Free Loader — This Beauty product acquisition tactic is based on reaching the purchase quota to obtain free shipping.
  • Miss. Ingredient Identified — This Beauty buys products like she orders her meals. It can’t have this, this, and that.
  • Miss. Naturally, Organic — This Beauty demands every product she buys be environmentally friendly and made with easily pronounced ingredients that are between 1 to 3 syllables, each.
  • The Kitchen Chemist — This Beauty buys primary products to master mix hair libations to intoxicate the dullest strands back to liveliness.
  • The Follower Influenced — This Beauty buys products based on her favorite social media personality. It doesn’t matter if they don’t share the same hair type.
  • The On-Sale ‘Couponer’ — This Beauty picks up products only on sale or with a coupon code. She scours the internet for a coupon code and feverishly tries multiple codes before one works to complete her online purchase.
  • Miss. Better Bulk-up — To protect from production delays in the kitchen supply hair care chain, this Beauty buys products in bulk. Because her favorite boutique hair care mixologist is frequently out-of-stock of the top-selling items she enjoys.
  • Miss. Eye Candy — This distracted non-woke ‘Beauty school drop-out’ buys products based on imagery.

After spending six hours on the internet, I identify three products to conduct an investigative discovery to the product’s mysteries. I start by identifying the ingredients of each of the products. This time I will outsmart myself and I will not be bamboozled by the brands. These bombastic claims are weaponized marketing. With this knowledge — Why not create a computer program to differentiate the product ingredients among the three product choices I’m eyeing? Genius. I start writing the program and I am interrupted midway by thoughts of hair product junkie brilliance. “Why not, also associate each ingredient’s benefit and apply a ranking system based on the value attribution of the benefit? The value attribution is to give a higher rank to the natural ingredients and the ‘cone-less ingredients when compared to the other ingredients”. This is when I stopped and came to my senses. I navigate to the website to make my online purchase. My buying decision was based on the imagery, the coupon code I found after a two-hour search on the internet and the free shipping I received after having to buy $500 worth of products.

“Hi, I am Rochelle and I am hair product junkie”.

Read my other written work.

Until the next time – I adore you for reading my blog,

blogrochellesignature_18october2016

Nov 15 2016
2 Comments
Creation, Erotica, Life Lessons, Poetry

A Vacant Love Story

digital_love_hires

I need the punctuation of your persona to pierce my soul.
I’m lost in this flattened world.
The Christopher Columbus discovery of inhabitants already existing in this vast space underscores the sensational over the substantial.
The brevity of images defines the senses.

I am burdened by the binary sight and sound of you.
I’m enslaved by the thought of you.
The liability of your absence disrupts our connection.
The sum total of 1 plus 0 are not adding up 2 you.

I need to experience your truth, to inform me what I believe about you.
I’m filling the gaps of the unknown with figures of what is not fortified in my reality.
This confusion conjures beliefs once confirmed by warm and cold sensations.
You are a collection of curiosities.
Your casual hearts strings me along.
Your customs are not customary to me.

I lay my face on the screen to get as close as possible to your words.
Your texture is intoxicating unfamiliar.
I’m bathed in your light.
Your brilliance quickly dims because I haven’t touched you.

I long for your touch, taste, sound, smell & sight.
My eyes hold conversations you have never seen.
But in return I get syllables of silent sentences.
Your words are missing notes and are toneless.
The skeleton spaces between your characters are not fleshed out.
This longing for you is betrayal of my senses.

I sleep with you next to me, but I am restless and unsatisfied.
I need your sacred substance of significance stuffing me with the familiar.
I crave for the vibration of your organism.
I dwell in anticipation.
You respond.
I consume your fleshless character.
We light up the darkness with our back and forth intercourse.

Our characters
collide &
climax
2
completion.

Read my other poems.
A Different Kind of Love
Morning’s Prelude

Join Rochelle’s mailing list to stay up to date with my written musings.

****

Until the next time – I adore you for reading my blog,

blogrochellesignature_18october2016

 

Nov 08 2016
1 Comment
Comedy, Healthy Living, Humor, Life Lessons, Wellness

3 times when having ‘dirty’ breath is good for those around you

“Sir, I had thought all men breath had smelled so”. — The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene

Today, I had the usual for lunch — my green juice tonic. After guzzling down my lunch, I walk the mazed pathway to my cubicle. Before arriving to my seat, I am signaled in mid-gait and questioned about a technical glitch from a team member. I abruptly, did a little pirouette twirl from my runway walk to address his earthly concern. I am standing outside his domain, separated by his cubicle fencing. I respond with the data I have around the systemic known issue. After I spew all the ‘dirt’ I have — I then stop talking to give him time to digest my words.

My co-worker responds “Do you smell dirt”?

I reply “What do you mean by dirt? There is no wrongdoing involved. The code is broken”.

He replies, “No. Dirt. Soil. Don’t you smell it”?

My muddled mind struggles to process his words. “Is he referring to the dirt from the earth”? At that point, a floodlight of sun clears the cache in my brain and I am reminded today’s green juice was actually my red juice. My Bordeaux juice. My juice of the earth which consists of beets primarily and other secondary vegetation.

Still not certain it was my lunch he was smelling, I neighborly step inside his cubicle entryway. I need more data that the lawn smell is coming from me. My distance is HR approved. I lean in and begin talking. He leans back.

badbreathimage_4november2016

He is now talking in exclamations “What did you have for lunch”!?

I reply in green juice jargon. “Bordeaux juice”.

Him “What the heck is Bordeaux juice”?

Me: “Green juice with beets. And for the record my breath doesn’t smell like dirt”.

Him gasping for air “Yes, it does”.

Me: “My breath is nutrient dense for the record. Your casual sense of smell doesn’t know perfectly PH balanced breath when it’s slaying you in the face”.

Him: “What I know is your breath is an occupational hazard”.

Me: “I’m doing my part by spreading health one breath at a time.”

We laugh. I offer him what’s left of my juice. He adamantly declines. I return to my seat with my good vibrations intact. I put my hand up against my mouth and blow a few times. To me, my breath smells fine. I pop a piece of gum in my mouth for special effect.

3 times when having ‘dirty’ breath after consuming green juice is good for those around you.

  1. The spread of wellness.Sharing green juice by any means necessary is a win for all.
  2. Cleaner air.‘Dirty’ breath from green juice may detoxify the surrounding airspace and spark brain activity in others.
  3. Lower health care costs.‘Dirty’ breath resulting from consistent green juicing sows the seeds of improved health outcomes which may cause the pool of health care costs to go earthward.

******

Until the next time – I adore you for reading my blog,

blogrochellesignature_18october2016

 

Nov 01 2016
2 Comments
Comedy, Fitness, Healthy Living, Life Lessons, Wellness

12 Sleep Strategies for an Improved Life

I gave a talk last month on Healthy Hack Tips. The tips I shared, were pulled out of my toolbox of practice like a magician pulls a rabbit out of a hat. Sleep was second on my list as an actionable item for each Beauty to re-consider as a tangible part of her self-care routine.

sleepimage_31october2016

Sleep deprivation is romanticized in our culture. Like you, I have participated in this culture of sleep deficiency. I was the poster child for team no-sleep. In my investment banking days, I coined the phrase “Sleep is for Suckers.” I have laid to rest that way of thinking. My nightly goal is to win at sleep. It’s no longer a badge of honor to be sleep deprived.

The Caffeine Conundrum

It’s time to reset your alarm to prioritize good sleep over caffeine. Percolate on this — sleep and exercise are important factors for good cognitive health. Good sleep improves the brain’s performance and aids in the aging process. Sleep cleans the brain’s cache, improves memory and bolsters creativity.

For example, if your morning coffee receipt is greater than the hours you’ve slept last night, you are adding wealth value to the coffee company and subtracting health value from your existence by your sleepy ways.

sleepequation_31october2016

Sleep is selfish, natural & healthy. A good night’s sleep is one of the best ways to be selfless to your body.

Sleepy Brain Teaser

Sleep sweeps the brain of stuff and spruces up your marbles to stockpile new material.

Sweetie, let’s see if your brain is awake reading this story. Choose the one common word to associate to each word on the following list.

sleepgame_31october2016

How did you do Sweetheart with this sleepy brain teaser? I bet you were distracted by that nagging Sweet Tooth.

Sleep Intelligence for Improved Sleep

I am intentional about how much sleep I get each night in order to wake up energized. For instance, if I need to get up at 5am, I’ll target a 9pm bedtime. My optimal sleep duration is around 8 hours each night. This number is different for each of us. One way to measure this for yourself is to observe your sleep patterns over a 30-day period. Track the days you wake-up refreshed and lifted by calculating the quantity of optimal hours slept by the number of optimal nights slept. Use that number as your baseline — your sleep standard.

sleepstandard_31october2016

Record your sleep habits over the next 30, 60 or 90 days. Healthy sleeping habits makes for happy days.

Consider the following strategies to start a sleep revolution in your life.

12 sleep Strategies for an Improved Life

Start Slow. Plan for an extra 20 minutes of sleep each night and build from there.

  1. Start Slow. Plan for an extra 20 minutes of sleep each night and build from there.
  2. Sleep Smart. Wake-up and bed down the same time each night.
  3. Power down. Climb into bed 90 minutes before your sleep time. (Adjust the suggested minutes based on your social media/internet consumption.)
  4. Set your alarm an hour before you need to wake up. There is something so delicious about snoozing.
  5. Blinded by the light. Blue light disrupts sleep at night. Filter blue light out with a screen protector or with an application for your device.
  6. Sound off. Silence your hand held devices before bedtime. If you need to allow important communication to sound through use an application for your device or the device settings.
  7. Get a few Z’s. Power nap to power through your day. Nap for 20 or 90 minute increments between 1pm-3pm.
  8. Partner-up. There is something darkly poetic about yawning in unison with a person or your pet dog.
  9. No. No. No. Nix Java Joe after 12 noon. The aim is to build up sufficient sleep pressure to fall asleep quickly at bedtime.
  10. Be extreme. Wake-up at 4am each morning with planned activities to accomplish for 30 days to trigger new sleeping habits.
  11. Sheet music. Your bedding should excite your senses and create a harmony between your body & soul. Take note and level up.
  12. Sleep is served. With Happy Endings.

****

Until the next time – I adore you for reading my blog,

blogrochellesignature_18october2016

Oct 25 2016
3 Comments
Creation, Entrepreneurship, Goals, Inspiration, Poetry, Productivity

Uncommon Calendaring Behavior: I use my online calendar to create new habits and pray

I’m a perpetual calenderer. I pencil everything in. My calendaring is my neon highlighter on what’s important to focus on. See my previous posts for my receipt on my ‘calenderering’ behavior and how I accomplish shit.

I am a creature of habit.
Crates, cages, coops, cuffs cannot contain me.
Though, my calendar can tame me.

My calendar is the intersectionality of my activities, appointments, meetings, events, prayers, goals and habits. I once heard someone say “I can tell you what a person values by examining their checking account, calendar and conversation.”

calendarimage_24october2016

Consider this.

Why be a perpetual calenderer?

  • Planning persistently permits a diary view of life at an atomistic level of detail
  • Compartmentalizing activities facilitates principled action and creates better cycles of completion
  • Provisioning of time controls for the unpredictable in order to stay on assignment to do the work
  • Investing in time when compared to careless consumption of it — yields increased work product returns

Let’s be balanced.

The disadvantages of crazy calendaring behavior

  • Getting stuck in the muddy mode of minutia and not executing on milestone activities
  • Stifling spontaneity

The approach to clocking my time.

Who

I manage my personal and professional calendars in order to have a wholistic view of my daily, weekly, and monthly activities across all vectors of my life.

Why

People, habits and goals are too important to leave to chance. Plus my memory is sporadic and over saturated with creating solutions, strategies, ‘n stuff. That said, calendaring lets me time box and prioritize the meaningful.

These inscribed markers of time transform the planned to the performed.

How

I use Google Calendar. Because it syncs seamlessly across devices and I can manage it across platforms, too. Work activities are managed by Outlook. The color scheme I currently employ has no rhyme or reason, other than my days need to be colorful.

When

All the time. I’m clocking my time.

What

As, I previously shared, I calendar my activities, appointments, meetings, events, prayers, goals and habits. You name it — it’s on my calendar to remind me of what’s next. Check out, my…

Uncommon Calendaring Behavior

Habits

First, I identify a habit to work on (e.g., read 50 pages of a book — daily). Second, I set-up a recurring entry on my calendar to pattern this practice for an established duration. Since, my habits are transitional entries, once the habit is mastered it’s no longer a tickler on my calendar.

Prayers

I use my calendar to affirm good thinking and the reciting of my prayers. I have to admit, I can’t always control all aspects of my day by calendaring. But, I can prepare my heart through prayer to be ready for anything.

Here is a prayer I am reciting for heart support:

I pray for wellness, love, peace and professional success for the project supervisor. I pray that our relationship be transformed by the renewing of my spirit, heart and mind and our collective renewing of our spirits, hearts and minds. May I continue to support the project supervisor in an exceptional way to achieve and reach higher professional heights on this project. God, please change me to be more compassionate and careful in my dealings with all people. My GOD, Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Well, then ‘peeps’– peephole this.

My calendar is: 
The notes to my daily beat.
The staccato to my normal.
The rhythm to my routine.
The tenor to my time.

This story was inspired by reading Myleik’s Medium story “How To Get The Most Out Of Each Day.

****

Until the next time – I adore you for reading my blog,

blogrochellesignature_18october2016

Oct 18 2016
2 Comments
Beauty, Creation, Erotica, Love, Poetry

A Different Kind of Love

I am itching for you.

We’ve been together for so long. Our intimate time is penciled on my calendar.

In preparation for this weekend’s steamy session —

I go to the drugstore to look for the product with the best slip.

Slippery when wet, is what is desired, when I brush up against you.

With great contentment, the date is here.

Our session begins with a shower.

Slowly, I wash you.

You’re soft.

I massage and coat you.

You hardened.

Fingers are used for separation.

My body bends forward like a F without a dash.

The hot sensations are hitting my mind.

Feel good moans become me.

I stand up and step aside.

The build-up is rinsed away.

Outside the shower, I stare at the mirror’s reflection.

You are no longer elongated. You have shrunken.

I am pleased.

You look good on me.

I gently towel and wrap you.

Hours later.

Intertwined. Braided together.

I fall asleep.

My hair is did.

****

Until the next time – I adore you for reading my blog,

blogrochellesignature_18october2016

Oct 17 2016
1 Comment
Comedy, Friendship, Wellness

Green juice, the accidental poop and how to get a guy to like you

One autumn evening my neighbor invites me to his home for a working dinner to support our efforts as board members for our local Y.

I start most days juicing a bunch of leafy green matter. On this day, my 36 oz. tonic consists of collard greens, ginger, garlic, cilantro and lemon. After preparing my green juice, I take the tonic straight. Head back. Glass up. No chaser. 

In conquest, I beat my chest with my fists. Affirming my “gutsiness.”

I clean up and start my day in my office nook. I’m focused. And accomplishing much shit. (Pun intended)

Midday, my gut is feeling rebellious. I brush it off. This is par for the course for me, when juicing. I’m distracted. I switch thoughts. “Holy, crap.”

Customarily, I extinguish arrestingly violent burst of gaseous air from my butt. Statistically, today should be no different. Like most gambling outcomes, my streak was coming to an end. At first, I was in disbelief. Bewildered. “Oh, crap.”

I arrive at my neighbor’s home to a culinary photo shoot that is winding down. His home is the lifestyles of the-better-and-better. He has a chef’s kitchen with a long island. Scattered about are culinary delights which includes smoothies. I’m chatting up the guys — my neighbor, his boyfriend — the chef and the photographer. The chef is sharing the details of the photo shoot and hyping his culinary skills. I’m curious. I ask to taste a smoothie perched on the counter. In response, the chef cultures me on professional food photography and how the dishes are made for photo taking and not for eating. So, by drinking one of the smoothies my stomach would become upset.

In knee jerk reaction, I defend my gritty gut. With my chest puffed out, I start off strong. Hyping my green juicing habits. I end the story with my “leaky gut” passing a glob of poop instead of gas.

We laugh, eat and days later my neighbor reaches out to me to share the photographer’s interest.

My advice on how to get a guy to like you:

  • Share your stories, embarrassing or not — it makes you interesting
  • Your story should be abutting to the conversation. Don’t talk about the time your dog chewed your Jimmy Choo shoes, if it is unrelated to the banter at hand
  • Drink green juice. It will keep you healthy and you will have a butt load of stories to share
  • Lastly, talk shit! Guys love that.

****

Until the next time – I adore you for reading my blog,

blogrochellesignature_18october2016

Oct 17 2016
2 Comments
Comedy, Creation, Poetry, Rants, Thoughts

Morning’s prelude

I rise before the brilliant star in the East.

I tip toe in the twilight, trying desperately not to create a symphony of pots & pans clanging.

My head makes a hit.

See, my pupils are not enlightened and by design have not increased their viewpoints.

I meander to the toilet chamber to sit on the numbing throne.

I dispose of yesterday’s waste, then

Bow my head in reverence, as I scroll through the scattered stories and the weighted happenings of humankind.

45 minutes is gone and I am weighted in position.

I hoist my torso onto the sink to form a boomerang with my body parts.

I plank myself up,

And scold the mirror with menacing thoughts,

“This will be the last time I’ll sit on this toilet in wastefulness.”

Tingly sensations soothe my senses.

I stand up and greet the sun.

           My day has begun.

****

Until the next time – I adore you for reading my blog,

blogrochellesignature_18october2016

Feb 03 2014
Leave a comment
Off the Bookshelf

the Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty – Book Review

Image

I picked this book because of the many positive reviews.  It is a fictional novel, where the three main characters are pieced together to create parts of a jigsaw puzzle. The first character you are introduced to is Cecilia Fitzpatrick a mother of three, Tupperware consultant and wife to John-Paul.  You learn early on that John-Paul has written a letter to Cecilia that she finds unexpectedly.  The envelope reads “For my wife – to be opened only in the event of my death“. When Cecilia casually mentions she found the letter to her husband on the phone during his business trip in Chicago, his reaction makes it clear that the last thing he wants is for her to read the letter. The “Pope” John-Paul is threatened by the thought of his wife opening the letter resulting in him hurling his “assets” back to Sydney, Australia in a hot NY minute to get a hold of the letter before it is too late.

Next, you are introduced to Tess Curtis the mother of Liam, a marketing professional, married to Will and the first cousin to Felicity (their Moms are twins).  She has a marketing and design business with her cousin and husband.  Tess and Felicity are inseparable cousins that share all of the same experiences including who they love.

The last main character you are introduced to is Rachel Crowley the mother of Will and Janie – her slain daughter.  Rachel’s character mourns the death of her daughter gravely throughout the book.  Janie’s killer was never captured. Consequently, life after death for Rachel is spewing hate towards Janie’s ex-boyfriend Connor Whitby, now the Physical Education (PE) teacher at the St. Angela’s school.  By the way, Connor was the last known person with Janie some 28 odd years ago.

In the beginning you learn that the Biggest Loser reality show is tuned on the TVs of Cecilia, Tess and Rachel’s households and the Trainer yells “You get nothing for nothing”. I am missing the point. The major theme of the novel is about secrets and fragile relationships pieced together by the presumed normalcy of familiar day-to-day activities that make up the main characters lives.

The next theme that I am puzzled by, is throughout the book there are many references to the Berlin Wall from Cecilia’s middle daughter Isabel. My literary analysis is on shaky ground here. Perhaps, the parallel has to do with “Pope” John-Paul living a lie for so long before the “wall” came crumbling down on the Fitzpatrick’s family in a serendipitous sort of way. Oddly, the Tess, Felicity and Will storyline is where the Berlin Wall symbolism can be applied inversely. Leave a comment and we can discuss further my thinking around this.

Before, I reveal too much – if I haven’t done so already – What I find ironic is the antagonist’s name – John-Paul.  Yes, in my review I’ve dubbed him as the “Pope.” (In the book he is not called the “Pope”.) Enough said. Get it. Got it. Good. :o)

I love ♥ you. Your existence is connected to mine.

Thank you for reading my blog,

blog_signature_21jan2014

Tagged , ,
Jan 29 2014
3 Comments
Beauty, Hair

The Selfie

GNO_Hair_25jan2014_1aIn the age of over saturation of technology at one’s fingertips, I have succumbed to taking the bathroom photo.  What prompted me to take a collage of self photos was the fact that I was having a good hair day.  After 2 takes of washing, styling and washing and styling again – the fro’ became a fist full of curls.

To achieve this look I used: Paul Mitchell The Conditioner + Hawaiian Silky Gel Activator “Dry Look” + eco styler Olive Oil Styling Gel.  The second time around I did not use shampoo to wash my hair. I just rinsed out the products thoroughly that were left behind.  The Conditioner (I applied first) + Hawaiian Silky Gel (I applied second)  while in the shower. The eco styler gel I raked and smoothed outside of the shower.  I would have done the last gel application in the shower but Mama’s hot water don’t last but so long and then it turns to ice, ice, baby. (I know, I know – I’m dating myself – bear with me).

Thank you for reading my hair chronicles, I am in the process of discovering my technique and what products reign on my crown.  I’ll keep you updated what happens next time with my hairdo until then…

I love ♥you. Your existence is connected to mine.

Thank you for reading my blog,

blog_signature_21jan2014

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